GURU DAKSHINA.

The ageing bespectacled lady walked into my room the other day as any normal patient would do and sat on the chair.

Her face bore a mask of pale gloom and her sallow eyes implied a lot of pain. Her sari was crisply ironed and the gold rimmed specs gave a semblance of dignity in her plight.

She called me "Appu! How are you?". I got startled and sprang up from my seat.

During the early 80s, any plump child was nick named Appu after the mascot of the Asian games which were held in our country with pride in those clean non corrupt days.

This lady was none other than my old primary teacher. I saw her after a gap of 3 decades and immediately nostalgic tears welled up in my eyes. I offered her coffee and we began chatting about my school and the good old days.

The purpose of her visit was gradually revealed by her in the next few minutes.

She had fallen upon hard times and was currently estranged from her husband since the last few years. She had retired from school and sustained herself giving home tuitions to primary students.She used to stay at her brother's place and contribute whatever she could to run their household.

She along with her brother had run into some bad debts to the tune of few lakhs of rupees.

I noticed that she was in grief but somehow there were no effects of poverty seen, she clarified that the tuitions used to give her a sustainable income for her livelihood.

She showed me a small diary which had non decipherable names of her debtors in scribbled writing. Her writing was so impeccably legible a few decades back..

She asked me for a sum of 20K rupees which she would return after 6 months. How she would gather this amount to return was a big question mark staring at me.

I assured her that I would revert in a day's time.

By evening I came to know that she had approached many of my class mates with the same request.

I was baffled and began to wonder about her state.

It was not a big amount for any of our class mates or me either but we had no idea about the fate of our money. She was earning for herself and the reason for her need of money was a bit of a mystery to me and just about everyone else.

There were no signs of illness or any disease in her, she appeared otherwise healthy.

I work hard and each and every penny counts.

I do a lot of charity for my poor patients. My native town relatives depend on me for their expenses. Our maids and drivers frequently borrow partially recoverable and returnable money from us. I have sponsored school fees of the children of our maids, driver, sweeper and a few watchmen along with ward boys. Many a times,I have let poor patients walk away scot free from my hospital.

I badly wanted to help my teacher but at the same time was not genuinely convinced about her need.She was not at all clear as to why her husband had left her and how she ran into such huge bad debts. I did not probe her further.

A round table meeting was held with my wife and mother. The ladies were in the favour of me giving the money on a non returnable basis. They told me to give the money and just forget about it.

The teacher called me the next day and I just could not muster courage to answer her call. When she called again, I bought time from her. I told her to give me a few days to decide. I can never say no to any one. Its my weakness. I will vacillate but never say no. Maybe a fear of over committing myself rules my heart and at the same time I do not want to outrightly deject someone.

Maybe, years of seeing people exploiting other gullible people like me for their own selfish motive has immunised me from empathy. I refuse to melt down like before.

The GURU-DAKSHINA will have to wait till then....