I D E N T I T Y....

We had named him Raghu!
He was a man in his early thirties. He had a robust physique with a long curled moustache and a towering personality. His face was radiant and handsome. Muscles were ripping out of his turgid skin along with iridescent snake like veins. He had a mark on his thick ring finger, probably must have had a brief engagement or so. He was probably an athlete in his younger age.In short, he was a perfect specimen and a latest addition to our anatomy dissection hall ! We were first year mbbs students and usually named our cadavers to ease our guilt of cutting them open and also to give some dignity which they never had in their whole lives.
How this young man landed on our dissection table was a real big mystery to us.
He looked like the type who would at least have some relative or a jilted lover to claim his body.
That was not the case though,after three months in the morgue the corporation decided to submit his cadaver for dissection purpose. Raghu came calmly to us in an embalmed form yet looking alive as if he would just get up from his slumber and walk away home.
The dissection hall was accustomed to handling cadavers of homeless people,drug addicts and beggars who never had the fortune of a funeral rite.
Nobody cried at their deaths.
No distant relative turned up to stake their claim.
These unfortunate souls had nothing to offer them except their bodies! Nothing materialistic to entice any survivors. I don't think that they expected also, as they were considered the scum of the society and a mere statistic in the city.
The big city would never ever miss them.
I started wondering about Raghu's past,his profession and family if he ever had one.
Maybe he was a migrant with his family in a far off native town who must have had no means to contact him except for a monthly money order or a solitary annual call. Maybe he had dreams to become self reliant in the city and relocate his family later.
What would be their plight?
The ever eager nerdy student batch of itchy dissecting hands were coming to the anatomy hall.
They took intense pleasure in dissection and flashed their shiny scalpels and forceps after the class as if they had salvaged a soul of their suffering by some heroic surgery.
My heart began to beat fast as they neared Raghu.
The predators were waiting for the unfortunate prey.
They had their weaponry ready and would strike down soon.
Raghu would soon be sliced open and his anonymous existence laid to rest.
He would be meeting his divine creator soon.
I think he would straight go to heaven, welcomed by angels to comfort his soul.
He had suffered hell, all his life on earth.
Even after his death he had nobly helped some students to study anatomy.
At least now, he deserved an Identity!

THE WONDER YEARS!

We were really lucky during our childhood years as there was not much to be seen on television, a sunday movie on television in grey shades with unwelcome neighbours was the only entertainment we had. We were destined to be outdoor kids! Our vacations were really memorable . the day used to begin with a jog around the pristine lake we had in our town. Our group consisted of 7-8 boys who were really enthusiastic to begin with but later after a round used to sit on the wall panting and catching their breath. Sometimes we used to rent boats to row. We were little devils who jumped from boat to boat yelling all the time. The lake manager usually asked about our swimming skills prior to renting out but we easily bragged to convince him. One day we were short of some money which we realised after our rowing ended,we literally ran for our lives that day all the way from the lake to our homes!

A hot breakfast awaited us at home, we quickly used to shower and head to the library which was our treasure island for books and comics. Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew and Famous Five along with Secret Seven were revered by us all the time. Some kids used to flick books which I strongly disapproved as I really respected the library and its owner, also my upbringing was too good to think on those lines.

At noon time after a quick lunch our team used to go the creek to play cricket matches. The hot sun was never a deterrent for us as we played without any caps or sunscreens. All we knew was the playing and nothing else.A friend of mine with polio also used to accompany just to watch the fun.There was a solitary tap which used to provide scalding hot water for drinking.Sporadically a candy man used to visit us and give us orange candies which we never had as they were worm infested! U just had to put some salt and the small worms would start wriggling out.I think they were imported from China! We used to return home as battle weary warriors where our moms would give us cold lime water to quench our parched throats.

After a little nap,we were all up and about to play hide and seek in the nearest garden. The cute girls also used to join us for this and our hearts used to flutter during these times.I used to be shy of them and hardly any words were spoken in their company, but they were and will always be welcome! The slides in our garden were notorious for ripping our backsides of pants while the see saw used to hurt our sensitive nuts. Sometimes we used to play Badminton in our own windy court where the shuttle cock was like a weather cock swaying with the winds wildly all the time. Football invariably used to end with broken window panes and the choicest abuses hurled at us. We were thick skinned and the very next day would start all over again much to their surprise!

The nights were spent on terraces under a starry sky where our elders used to sit and gossip and we used to huddle around them and pretend to understand their talks.The terrace was also our spinning top arena where many top battles had taken place. During monsoons we used to plug the outlet pipes with cloth rag balls and let the water store inside to create our swimming pool ! we used to laze around the pool splashing water, frolicking all the time. Later we used to be thrashed by our parents!

Now I see kids with their sofa glued bottoms flicking t v channels on their remote,ordering pizzas and burgers on the phone.Surfing the net with long chats on the phone. Video games and stuff. Slothing away to glory!

I really pity them.

They learn what is being taught and spoon fed to them, classes and tuitions exist virtually for any childhood activity known to motherkind! They will never know what they are missing and probably don't care about it too. They are domesticated prematurely. Their kites of high flying imagination are always restrained and never allowed to soar high. They are grounded.

They are being deprived of the essence and flavour of a natural childhood life.

I feel sorry for them and cry silently at their inactive state.

I thank God that he let me in early in this world ! I don't mind leaving it early as I had the best of my time in childhood.

HIBERNATION!

I detest going to the gym for a workout but this monsoon really wreaked havoc on our tennis court hence after much hesitation I decided to hit the gym.
I woke up early to avoid the rush and entered a global gym newly opened in my suburb.
I had a female trainer to take my measurements and weight.
The shapely dietician also joined her to give a lengthy discourse.
A good half an hour was lost with this time wasting formality.
As i began my journey on the treadmill my neighbour started hitting on me asking the usual stuff about who where what and some shit, I hardly bothered to reply as I was trying to balance on the now speeding treadmill. As that mill slowed down I casually looked at her and saw layers of makeup gradually being peeled off from her sweating face.It was a ghastly sight! It put me off so badly that i started to look for any other machine to work out with.
I tried to cycle but the person in my front had apparently eaten beans the previous night and was venting all his obnoxious fury on my olfactory senses! I pitied my strange plight but bravely attempted to complete the programme pedalling hastily as if my life depended on it.
Next gadget was some elliptical trainer where the settings were so tight that I feared I would meet the same fate as my fellow cyclist or worse, empty my guts on the floor!
My trainer said very well done for a beginner little did he know that I slogged daily on the tennis court under the sweltering tropical sun tanning away to glory.
He asked me to pick up some weights and promptly I chose the lightest ones much to his surprise and started doing left right centre up down with them taking care so as not to injure my vital organs as my life and future progeny depend on them all the time.
Then he stretched me like some elastic doll so as to attempt to dislocate my fragile joints,he was intent on bossing over me. I survived his onslaught somehow by the grace of God.
The truth is that I was getting mightily bored of the indoor atmosphere of artificial lights and crap music played over and over again.
The faint sweaty stench was also inducing a headache..
The bodybuilders with their rippling muscles looking in the mirrors with a self adulatory gaze were also turning me off with nausea.I really thought for a moment that they were gay.
Their egos were so small compared to their huge bodies-- (egos = external genital organs !)
Any case, I had decided on quitting the gym instantly and calmly walked out.
I went to my tennis court and sat quietly there watching the rains over a cup of tea.
I realised one thing that u can't trap a wild animal in a cage.It will suffocate and die there.
Same was my plight when I was in the gym. I felt like a shackled person in there.
Rainy mornings now were spent lazily at home much to the delight of my wife.
I piled on some weight but it was cool.
I consider monsoons as my hibernation period.
Waiting for some Sunshine!

MY SHOES !

It was a bitter cold morning that day when I decided to wear my new Woodland shoes! After many requests my dad had bought me those cherry red coloured shoes which in the early nineties cost 1200 rupees, a princely sum for us.
I was so happy that I considered myself very lucky for owning those handsome shoes.
My heart swelled with pride.
I carefully skipped two crowded trains and boarded the third empty one to go to college so that no one would step on them. I really cared for them and throughout the journey narrowly averted the other lesser shoes stepping on them by constantly dodging my feet and staring at the offenders.I was getting emotionally attached to them.
One commuter told me to wear them on my head,I cut him by swearing a juicy expletive at him.
I was wondering whether i felt worthy of wearing these shoes but that feeling passed on.
There was a spring in my step and I felt taller and elevated.
They really changed my personality.
Aavishkar was our annual inter collegiate festival, I was supposed to reach by one pm to the college and to my utter dismay I could not locate my shoes.I frantically started asking my mom about them and she calmly replied that Vinay had worn them to college as he thought i would not be going to college.My entire world came crashing down! It was the worst disaster for me.
Big rivulets of tears started coming down my cheeks as I subconsciously started cursing my brother for that satanic act.I vowed that I would not spare him.
I cancelled my plan to go to college and sat down sulking in my room,my mom somehow cajoled me to go wearing sandals to the festival.I went respecting her wishes.
I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible just hi helloing my friends avoiding eye contact all the time. I went to pee at the odo,the toilet opposite deans office and noticed a big rush over there with lot of lights and scrambled wires with many people walking with unexplained urgency.
They were shooting a marathi serial Guinea Pig with Vikram Gokhale as the lead actor.
As I walked out of the toilet adjusting my family jewels , I was approached by the director of the serial for a small sequence in the serial. I, as a doctor had to whisper some sad news to Vikram Gokhale.
My joy knew no bounds as I hastily applied the talcum powder on my face and donned a tight fitting apron over my t shirt.It was a 10 second sequence but I was so ecstatic that I tripped once over the wires and second time I virtually had a collision with the actor when he told me that I was supposed to whisper and not kiss him on the ear! I, on third attempt gave an okay take.
Of course it was all for free but the thrill of coming on small screen was very heartening.
I came home jubiliant, I realised one thing that I never missed my shoes the whole day.
They saw my face and not my shoes that day!
When my brother came home he was greeted with a warm hug from me much to his surprise as he was expecting a big thrashing from me.
As of now, things are different, I have a big personal shoe rack with assorted designer shoes.
But my eyes still search for my once coveted cherry red shoes.....

DOUBLE SEAT !

Mahesh is a 40 year old patient of mine,he is suffering from end stage liver cirrhosis and I have enlisted him for a cadaveric liver transplant in a tertiary hospital in Mumbai.
He is a happy go lucky person with a devil may care attitude.He is destiny's child according to me.His past was alcohol ridden and probably criminal.I saw him over 2 years and then he disappeared, God knows where,I never ask but last year he called me from a prison in Pune seeking medical advice,also made me talk to his warden about his poor health so that he would be spared the rod.
I helped him as I always do.He is still grateful for that act of mine,now, has surrendered all his medical decisions to me.
One thing always used to disturb me that his building neighbours,incidentally patients of mine always used to look down upon him.They told me not to take his case which I flatly refused since I am bound to my Hippocratic oath and have to treat all patients with equal dignity and compassion.Also i find it very insulting when some other doctor takes over my case,leave aside the money part.
Always, 2 women used to accompany him to my hospital, last week I mustered enough courage to ask his personal history, he told me that he had 2 wives and both were sisters.This shocked me.
The first wife could not bear any offspring hence was tortured by in laws to leave the house and to protect her the younger sister agreed to sacrifice and become the second wife.
Really brave of her!
God had some other plans though,in 2 years the first wife became pregnant and delivered a baby girl.The second wife is yet to bear any child as she has some gynaecological problems and is seeking medical intervention for the same.
Anyway let us not question decisions of the almighty,who are we? just mortal beings!
Strange are the ways of god!
Both the wives are ready to donate their livers for Mahesh however they are too fragile to survive the procedure hence a cadaver will eventually donate his liver to salvage him.
I wonder who is going to give him the gift of life, there is a waiting list for that also as people in India are very religious and they don't want to cut open their dear ones' bodies. A real social awareness is also lacking amongst us regarding organ donation.
I tease mahesh 'Double Seat' in view of his two wives and he laughs heartily all the time.
I told him that his daughters fate will keep him alive,if she is lucky, will get a rejuvenated dad!
With tears in his eyes he told me yesterday that he never repented on his past but if god gave him 2-3 years more, atleast his daughter's future would be secure.
I just walked out of his room
No,
I didn't cry,
My tears have long dried away with the perpetual suffering that I have seen over last 20 years.
I thought about his daughter's fate and then just let the flood gates open and cried hard after a long time.
I wish him a successful transplant.

UPDATE-

A few days back, I got a frantic call from his wife that the police had arrested him , taken him to a government hospital which treated under trial patients. The care offered was abysmal and Mahesh was slowly sinking. I had no power to shift him under my care or to guide the myopic doctors over there, my helplessness knew no bounds.

He succumbed eventually.

The image of the two white clad ladies and a grieving daughter still wakes me up from my dreams.

ONE QUESTION?

I meet new people daily in my field,some I remember, others I forget.
But one person whom I can never forget is a patient called Amol who really won my heart.
Amol came with his mother to my opd and literally i could not see him as he was a dwarf.He was dressed in a jeans and a smart t shirt. He was two feet tall.
He came for acne related problems and generalised weakness,I decided to probe him further and get to the root of his problem. He confided to me that he was now 22 years old and was sick of sitting at home just idling away his time,his overprotective father never allowed him to think about work.He wanted to open a phone booth and start living independently.The innocent look on his face and an earnest desire to work really gave me lot of pain.
He was like a caged bird.
He liked cricket, movies and music but lately had lost interest due to depression.
I decided to talk to his father but he never approached me again.
i wonder what has happened to him ? what must he be going through in life? God is so unfair.
I thought about his dreams and desires all denied by God.
I shared his plight, he was 22 and hormones would have been playing havoc inside him.
One thing he asked me before leaving, sir why god made me like this?
I had no answer.
Do you?